Self Reflection on a Previous Convo
* This had nothing to do with anyone. So if what I just took a glimpsed at was not some sort of response to this, then cool, if so, please do not think that you were a big deal and maybe respect how I feel about certain situations like I did with yours.
I recently had a “philosophical” conversation with someone during a cold walk. I was asked what defines me, who am I, my identity. I thought for a second and just threw out some of my characteristic, habits, really general things. Then I think as I walk, I actually don’t believe there is a single identify one can be identify as. You can be one person one day and become another the next. Which brings us our uniqueness. No one out there thinks exactly the same. Its because no one out there is experiencing the same exact thing like you. The people we are surrounded to, family, friends, strangers, teachers, also helps shape us to who we become. Each individual was raised by different people, whether you were raised by someone, grew up in a orphanage, foster care, a mom and a dad, two mothers, or two dads, and each other those individuals are unique themselves. Each individual is unconsciously molding themselves constantly through their experience, which is why people change. Is it for the better or for the good? Who knows.
So what is my identity as of today?
I love my family with all my heart. They are one of the reasons (big big) why I am content with my life. They are the people I makes me feel 100% secure because I am insecure, because of what I witness in reality, from what others did to another, from what others did to me, and from what I’ve done to them. Trust is a big issue to me. It is really easy to gain my trust but it is the hardest thing to get back once its lost. And because of this I use to think that i will never get married because I am scared for being mistreated or vice versus. Things are easily taken granted for, “feelings” are easily changed, what makes me continue? My will. I learned to take risks in life. I don’t want to sugar coat things to make things better if reality is that things have gone to deep. I learn to move on with things with positive attitude. Not that I am forcing myself to become a happier person, but because I want to be a happier person on my own will. Truthfully, I don’t want to experience every single aspect in life. I will gladly just accept the good and the bad. I believe you have to work hard for things to last forever. Especially in relationships, it takes two to continue. Sure, if there were a strong base between, it enhances a greater relationship, but doesn’t mean it will last forever. We have such a short time to try to find “perfect moments’. Instead I believe that we can make moments perfect if we wanted to. So I am starting to not consider people who aren’t trying at all or as much to be “friends or good friends”. And I care so less now, because its hard to care. And i’d be lying if I said I do (as much). Positive positive. =D I am grateful person. I reciprocate if I can. As much as I can. I am really thankful for those who’s been there and tries. And I Enough of that. I love being in school, I love meeting new people, I like good companies, I like learning about new things that I am interested in, sometimes maybe even things that I am not. I like to get hyper and have fun. But I also like being studious and having my Saturday’s studying. I like being balance. I am very controlling. I like clothes, fashion but I am too poor as a college student paying for my own expenses to. I am excited to graduate from this university and get into a dental program for another two years to become a dentist. The only thing that I am going to complain on here is finding that someone to rely on. I am a very independent woman (I consider), but sometimes at the end of the day, I want someone there to lean on and tell my day to. F*ck being picky? Ha. NO.
“Let me hug you, so I’d miss you less”
BLAH! BLAH! BLOG!
Good evening minions.
I am uber tired but not really. Currently here in the library multitasking with studying for my 80 term (author, significance by the author, year, and what essay from the text is it published in) for comparative literature, writing an essay on the carpenters and how it disrupts the male gaze, studying econ, its a do or die and I would like to do and not die, watching all star glam exam because its just entertaining in this empty, dark place) and listening to fallin’ out (and other stuff of course). Yeah, my friend is distracting me talking about Big Bang and Taylor swift, its horrible. I think i might pull an all nighter but I am scared I might not wake up tomorrow morning. But i just might.
I bought a new camera! oh fuck yes! Will be learning how to take nice photos —> more postings so my tumbler don’t look so plain and uuuuuuugggggggggohh.
naominguyen asked: y does it have to be that picture?!?!?!?!
BECAUSE!
HONGKONG.
Irreplaceable
I have been thinking a lot about friendship. I think have always knew that there is this person that i can trust with my everything. A special someone that even if they judged me they will still accept me for who I am, if I am wrong or even right they will give me their opinion and even though they might not be the brightest person with the most wise knowledge, she has the brightest smile and is one reason for mine; she is the person i need forever in my life. Someone who calls me out of the blues and say hi over Facebook chat or wallpost, or anywhere they can find me. They will ask me if I am dead, they will give me space if I need it and not complain about being shady, but most importantly someone who I can ACTUALLY say that I am truly comfortable with. This person is irreplaceable and no where in hell. This person is almost as close as me and my sister (whom I do put before myself). It doesn’t get awkward no matter what. I can look at my worst and she will go shopping with me (not that i will) and trust me there are people whom I love a lot, and who are totally worth my while, but none like this.
